10 lessons that 2 years of sobriety has taught me
A guide to navigating sobriety and emerging as your authentic metamorphisized self
Today I am celebrating my 2nd soberversary! Yay! It has been, as they say, a journey with many twists and turns and hills and speed bumps and lessons. Oh, the lessons. There is the act of getting sober and then there is the spiritual awakening that accompanies the path.
I decided to remove alcohol from my life on July 8th 2023 as a path to liberation, although I didn’t quite fully know that at the time. To be honest, it was a decision made out of a desperate desire to feel - well, simply better.
I wasn’t feeling good. It’s as simple as that. I was navigating health issues like a systemic fungal infection for 2 years, was told my cholesterol was near stroke levels, experiencing extreme levels of stress and anxiety, diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder but told everything was functioning fine (that’s another story for another day) and just feeling like something was wrong. Wrong in my body, my mind, and my soul.
Ultimately, I had a deep knowing that alcohol was part of the problem and for me, the solution was to rid myself of it entirely.
Many milestones arrived along this path. The initial 30-60 days included withdrawing from the substance and experiencing my brain learning to readjust the dopamine levels. I was someone who only drank on the weekends, but when I did go out, it was usually a good amount. I had no idea the impact alcohol was having on every bodily function of mine until I removed it. I had dreams about alcohol, constant thoughts, and even kept a list of reasons why I wanted to be sober. Only when I removed alcohol, did I realize the hold it had on me.
The first 6 months were difficult. The most difficult part was managing the expectations of other’s thoughts about my new way of living, but also (and most importantly) the expectations I had for myself. I wanted to be fun still! And loose! And like-able! But what did that really mean? Did I want to be those things if it wasn’t really me? If it was just a more intoxicated version of me? Those were the real questions I had to answer.
Within the first year, I had acquired 10-20 new hobbies. I took up pottery, dressage lessons, hiking (had always been a hiker but boy did I get out there more often), line dancing, mountain biking, guitar, poetry, reading 100 books in a year, painting, jewelry making, etc. I certainly had more time!
a portion of my collection of sobriety wares
After the first year, I hardly thought about alcohol any more. I had a new way of life. I go to parties, happy hours, birthdays, vacations, and don’t even think twice about what I’ll be drinking. This is just how I lived now, and it couldn’t be better. I do in fact feel liberated from alcohol - it is hardly a thought in my mind. Removing alcohol didn’t fix everything but it was a stepping stone into a life where I valued myself and pursued a life that felt good and aligned with my purpose. I feel at peace with myself knowing that I am capable of living a life aligned with self-respect and self-love. Ok! Now, here are some lessons I’ve learned along the way:
Lesson 1: How to recognize what you are using to numb yourself
For most of my life, I did not know how to process my emotions. My younger self had a tumultuous life and a lack of tools - a recipe for emotional turmoil. Feelings were not welcome in my family, so I turned to what I could to feel better. Food and disordered eating was a large piece of that for many years and I realized alcohol became a tool as well. It's very common for alcohol dependence to coincide with disordered eating. If I was feeling sad, I would drink. If I was feeling stressed, I would drink. If I was feeling angry, yep you guessed it. So, throughout this process of removing alcohol I was able to realize what I was subconsciously using to numb myself and my emotions. Once I realized I was using alcohol in this way, I was also able to more quickly notice what else I was using as well.
Lesson 2: Learning what friendships look like without alcohol
In my circles, alcohol was the focal point for any social activity. Meeting friends at the bar, going to dinner, hanging out and playing games - it didn’t matter what the activity was, alcohol was usually involved. This can lead to a crisis(!) when becoming sober. What do I do now? Am I going to lose friendships? Are my friends going to think differently of me now? How will I have connection in my life? All fear-driven, yet still valid, questions I had at the beginning of my sobriety journey. The facts are - your relationships will shift or change if they were heavily centered around alcohol. However, what you might not know, is that they can change for the better. If you lose friends because you don’t drink anymore, were the really your friends? I don’t want to downplay the grief of this because that is absolutely a part of the healing process. I do want to point out that true friends will not leave you if you decide to make a healthy decision for yourself. It’s also possible that it may take time for a friend to understand and process this change - it could be days, months, years. It’s different for every person. Friendships did shift for me though - I was no longer drinking and I was the one changing. Certain activities just simply were not fun for me anymore. I didn’t want to stay at a bar until 2am, I was tired and wanted to retreat to my down comforter. I found that I was able to connect more deeply with the friends that stuck around by centering our time together around that connection or activities that were more productive and creative. I started having craft nights, getting outside more and hiking, and ultimately being present with the people I love.
Lesson 3: That I never have to be hungover again
This one might not really be a “lesson” but it was something that I learned! Alcohol had become such a normal part of my life and that meant that hangovers were too. It was somewhat shocking to realize that I do not have to be hungover! I could in fact wake up feeling good! You can go out on a Saturday night and have dinner with your friends and then go to bed! You can have a whole morning, day, and a lifetime of feeling good. A revelation.
Lesson 4: How to build confidence in myself
This was the most impactful lesson I learned along the way. I was able to build confidence in being myself. I made the decision to choose myself over everyone else - or at least what I thought people would think of me. I chose my health and happiness as my top priority, and this allowed to me show up as my full authentic being. A big piece of this was allowing myself to enter social situations without using a substance to alter my behavior. Instead, I showed up authentically - even if that meant being silent or weird or awkward or whatever judgement I had of myself. The real turning point happened once I learned to accept myself for all of my complexities and to simply just be, rather than trying to become someone else.
Lesson 5: Breaking familial and societal patterns
My family were drinkers! Most of them were from the midwest (stereotype I know) but they boasted about the stereotype. Drinking was normal, and heavy drinking was definitely normal. Binge drinking was also very normal and even expected in my friend circles. So, getting sober was my own personal journey but it was also a path for me to break patterns that have been in my family for generations. I was the first person in my family to not drink at all! Sometimes, they still forget I don’t drink 2 years in! For this lesson, that self-confidence was instrumental in breaking the patterns. Instead of being dragged back into them, I was able to maintain my own wants and needs.
Lesson 6: How to allow change in your life
When you quit drinking, things will change. Your activities will change. Your relationships will change. Most of all, you will change. The way you view yourself, the way you show up in your life, and the way you interact with others will all change. I had to learn what I could control, and what I could not control. I couldn’t control what others thought of me or how people interacted with me. I could control not drinking, I could control how I viewed myself, and my perspective. Shifting from “I hope other people like me” to “I love myself and only want to spend time with people who value, appreciate, and love me as I am” was transformative.
Lesson 7: Mornings! I am a morning person!
I can’t say I was a morning person before sobriety, though I’m sure I could have enjoyed it. I think this probably had something to do with staying up late drinking (ahem) and sleeping in the next day. Throughout this process, I learned I am in fact a morning person! The morning is the quietest time of the day. The birds are just starting to wake up, the air is thick, and you can feel the peace around you like a warm blanket. Nothing is more sacred to me now than my mornings. I wake up early, I water the plants, I make my coffee, I journal, read, move my body, and care for myself and my family - all before 9am! Sobriety is a gift and so are my mornings.
Lesson 8: How to treat myself well holistically
Once I started treating myself better by removing alcohol - I wondered how else can I feel better? Being fully present with myself helped me to reconnect with myself again and intuitively know what is good for me. How can I eat to feel good? Move to feel good? Express myself creatively? What are the ways that I can feel well? All questions I asked myself - and answered! I eat well now not to diet or look different but to feel nourished. I move my body in ways that are enjoyable and fun. I have a plethora of creative outlets I rotate through. I know that I will continue to explore what it means to live a life that feels good.
Lesson 9: To fully love and accept myself
As I’ve mentioned before, one of my main fears in getting sober was that I would lose the love of my friends and family - but I chose myself anyway. I chose to value my health, have respect for myself, and love myself in a way I had never done before. This choice bled into all other areas of my life. I truly valued and respected myself and would no longer allow what didn’t serve me into my life.
Lesson 10: A sober life is a cozy life
Learning how to live a life without alcohol is a process and for me - it resulted in the coziest life. I was able to reconnect with my inner child and see what she (I) thought would be fun and fulfilling. All of my activities now are experienced as my full, raw, authentic self. I only choose to partake in activities I actually want to do. I only spend time with people I actually like. I’ve come to the conclusion that I want and live a life that feels good, safe, and cozy. What is more cozy than being present with the people you love the most?
Those are just a few lessons I have learned and I’m sure there are plenty more to follow. If you are sober-curious or want to do a sober month or just generally reduce alcohol consumption - I can’t recommend it enough. I also would highly recommend getting the support you need. There are many different avenues and I believe you just need to find what works for you. For me, the Reframe app and my friend who was also sober were my main support systems. There are plenty more - AA, support groups, therapy, and sobriety coaching. I work with clients who want to be sober or reduce alcohol consumption by finding what methods align with them on an individual level. I am so grateful for my way of life now and only want to see the best for everyone else. ♡
Cozily,
Chelsea
sober activities can look like picking flowers at your local farm