How To Find Community and Create Your Own Connected World
Why don't we switch it up and befriend each other
I, for one, am a fan of small talk. Who among us have not engaged in frivolous tiny communications? Sure, I have proclaimed that I only like to get deep - get to the good stuff. But what about the weather? What about how your day has been? How is your family doing? What did you eat today? I was inspired by Anna Howard’s Youtube video from her Wild Geese series on “how to be a better villager” where she talks about getting involved in the community and the importance of small talk.
Is the small talk not what adds up to the big talk? I would love to know how the weather is wherever you are located! Please tell me about the rain you’ve been having or the incessant sunshine or the cloudy misty mornings. The June gloom or the perfect lake days. Tell me about your day! What made you smile? What pissed you off? How did you wake up today? Are you tired or did you sleep really well? What’s on the docket for today? Do you have a full busy day of staring at a computer screen or are you free to explore the world around you? These are just some of the questions I would love to know the answers to.
I believe that small talk gets a bad rep because it can be seen as superficial. Though it certainly can be superficial, I also feel that it is a way to connect us. It’s a way to strengthen connections with those you’ve known your entire life and form them with those who are brand new. Authentic connection seems to be something that is entirely lacking in our modern day and age. It’s ironic that we have so many apps and forms of technology that “connect” us, yet we feel more disconnected than ever.
Over 20% of American adults feel lonely and that number only seems to be growing even with all of the so-called access we have available to each other. The pure feeling of loneliness is already enough of a concern, but that loneliness is also linked to illness. The U.S. Surgeon General has identified loneliness as a public health epidemic, equating its health risks to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Even without all of these scary statistics, I believe as humans we can all feel the impact that loneliness has on us. It’s a low vibrational feeling, and when I have experienced it, it feels heavy and dark in my body. Humans are not meant to be lonely. It is ingrained in our DNA to have connection and community. Having a support system of family and close friends is vital to our health and our ecosystem.
And what exactly is community? It’s a word thrown around often lately but what does it mean? How do you join a community or form one and what does it consist of? I prefer this definition:
Community, in the context of belonging, is a group of individuals who feel emotionally connected through shared values, purpose, or identity, where members are seen, supported, and accepted as their authentic selves.
So - community can be large or small, far or near, deep or shallow, productive or ludic. It could be so many things! There are so many ways to have community right now; you could join or start a book club, you could attend a yoga class, you could volunteer, you could find a hiking group, attend a sound bath, experience a writer’s workshop, go the library, join a commune or a biker club! The list is endless.
Hobbies can be an excellent access point to finding community. Sure, hobbies can be a one person job but they can also be a way to meet new people! For example, I went to a hand-building pottery class in my area and ended up sitting at a table with 3 lovely older women. They immediately took me in and welcomed me to their circle and we shared our stories as we hand built a bird-themed wind chime. I also took up dressage horse-riding lessons and ended up meeting several new connections that way. I met the most lovely woman who worked at an Equestrian store who told me about the ability that horses have to sync their heartbeats with those around them, including humans. She explained to me that horses are herd animals and when in a herd, all of their hearts sync to the same beat. That same thing happens with a horse and its rider and is perhaps the reason for such strong bonds between humans and horses. This is a piece of why equine therapy works so well. It’s known as heart rate variability (HRV) coherence and here’s a lovely little article with more information on that. I also met some non-humans and connected with those horses, of whom Patriot happened to be my favorite. Patriot was an elderly retired race horse that taught me many lessons. You never know who you might meet and what you might learn out there!
Now, I’ve been exploring how to find community - but what about enjoying what is already there? Connecting with friends you already have. Reaching out to those you haven’t seen in awhile. We get so busy and forgetful and distracted that sometimes we don’t even realize what is right in front of us. If you’re like me, you may absolutely revel in the solitude and warmth of your own home but I implore you to reach out to those you know and spend an hour at a cafe. See what happens! Our friendships are an absolute necessity to a nourishing and fulfilling life.
In addition to finding and exploring your current community, you also have the option to create it. That is what I’m currently in the process of - creating a collective for women in my area that are current or aspiring business owners. I had been looking for a networking group but I wanted one that wasn’t created simply to sell to others. I wanted a group where women could come together, share their stories, and impart their wisdom on each other. A space where we can truly connect, learn from each other, and grow together. So - if you can’t find it, get out there and create it!
Cozily,
Chelsea ♡